Why Denial is Your Worst Enemy

Vienna-based marriage and family therapist Helen Rudinsky looks at how to recognize if you're in denial, and what to do to break out of it.

Are you lying to yourself? Probably. Most of us do. Denial is the most common way we lie to ourselves. We are in denial when we refuse to accept reality, pretending that a painful event, thought, or feeling doesn't exist.

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Becoming a Trailing Spouse

Can You Really Do It? Giving Up Your Career to Move Overseas?

I'm having a hard time processing the reality of having given up my career in the UK to move overseas to Vienna for my husband and his career.

When one partner has to give up his or her career in order to move overseas, this can become a huge source of resentment and conflict in the marriage. The problem is especially hard for dual career couples. Below is some of the advice she gives couples

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How to Avoid Saying Things you will Later Regret

I ended up getting into an argument with my spouse that escalated out of control! I said some things I regret and I don’t know how to patch our relationship up.

Unfortunately, this happens all the time in relationships. When two people negatively respond back and forth to each other, continually upping the ante while the conversation gets more and more hostile, escalation has occurred.

The most harmful thing about escalation is that in the heat of the moment you tend to say things that threaten the well being of the relationship, statements you cannot take back. “You're so selfish, you're just like your dad” or “You can't ever do it right” or “I wish I never married you.”

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Perspective on The Expat Dilemma : Loneliness

Question: How do I deal with loneliness while living in Vienna?

Living overseas can be exciting! Being an expatriate can be fun! Seeing new places, trying exotic foods, learning different customs, and sending photos of you standing at famous sites to envious friends back home.... But the life of an expat is not all glamour; you can feel very lonely being away from the support of family and friends.

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Helen Rudinsky - Expat Counselor

U!Shine Vienna is happy to announce April's Professional of the Month - Mrs. Helen Rudinsky, an Expat Counselor based in Vienna. Her motto is: "Your Passport to Harmony while Globally Mobile"

Helen is an American Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor.  She has a Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, and a Masters Degree in Intercultural Studies. 

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Support on Feeling Lost in Between Homes

It sounds like you are going through some tough times at the moment. And while not everyone has to go through a heartbreaking scenario of leaving the country they set up their roots in and love, know that anyone would be struggling with a situation like that. It's simply a painful thing to do.

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Supporting a Loved One

Hey!

This could go into so many directions, depending on what your loved one needs support with. That being said, there is one thing everyone needs support with, and it’s also the thing that few people ever receive. It’s the feeling of being understood. What’s usually the first thing we get when we tell someone about our problems? We get their proposed solution to the problem. “You should do X!” And then, if they are really dedicated, maybe even weekly follow-ups to check if we’ve already done it.

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Comparing Yourself on Social Media

Let me start with a story: Two friends meet to catch up, and they talk about their lives. As the stories unfold, one friend is dissatisfied with her relationship and the other is struggling with a burnout at work. Then the food comes. This means it’s time for 4-6 selfies, preferably with a breathtaking skyline in the background (ok, make that 10 selfies), the #greatfriends #greatfood #greatcatchingup hashtags, and off that selfie and filter goes into the realm of social media. And ten minutes later, while their food has gotten a little bit colder, a hundred friends around the globe think “Ah man look at that. My life sucks!”

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Anxiety and Fear Being Among Unknown People

Hello you!

That’s a great topic. It’s going to lead to an answer that might be counterintuitive - just a heads up!

You see, anxiety is a tricky thing. When we have it, all that we can ever think about is how on earth we can get rid of it. The solution, unfortunately, is an easy one: Just quit. Just leave. Just don’t say anything. Just don’t go.

It’s really that easy. And I think you know that solution already. What’s so devious about it is that it actually works. Until we realize that we just missed out on something that was important to us.

And here’s the flip side of anxiety. Something I love anxiety for: it is the clearest, most unambiguous indicator that something is very, very important. Think about it: are you anxious that while you are reading this, your dinner is getting cold? Probably not so much. Now, what if your daughter had spent two hours in the kitchen making you the most amazing dinner, while you are stuck in traffic trying to get home in time. Are you anxious about your dinner getting cold now? Of course. It’s freaking important!

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Michael Herold - Life Coach

Michael Herold is a life coach based in Austria and Germany and works at The Art of Charm, a L.A. based company where he is using evidence-based psychotherapy to help clients overcome their social anxiety through playful exercises. If you’re strolling through the shopping streets of Vienna and you hear someone howl like a wolf in a shopping mall, or have someone ask you for a high-five or tell you a really, really bad joke - it’s probably one of his clients!

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Ms. Stephanie Sattowski - Psychotherapist

Stephanie took the time to write 3 wonderful blog posts for readers of U!Shine Vienna:

  1. Integrating into a New Culture and its Effects on Mental Health

  2. Can you decipher the messages of the body?

  3. Separation and Opportunity for a Journey Towards Self- Love

Originally from Hamburg Germany, Ms. Stephanie Sattkowski moved around a lot as a child and is familiar with confronting changes and transformation in life. All of the obstacles she's been through made a positive impact on her attitude towards life and her work as a psychotherapist in training. Ms.Sattkowski speaks English, Spanish and German.

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